The pain will have to wait

Not now.

Let the past catch up with me in the future, but not now.

What was done, is done, I can not change the past. And I can not escape the present.

In the present, you are not here, so the pain will have to wait. Sometime in the future, it will reappear.

But for now, the pain will have to wait until I find a way to tell the story of us without blame, bitterness and resentment.

The pain will have to wait for me to find that version of the story of us where we are both heroes, consciously choosing to share moments, consciously choosing to be lovers.

The pain will have to wait for me to change, for me to be someone that I never was, so I can look back at myself with more wisdom, with compassion, love and understanding.

The pain will have to wait, I will put all of my feelings aside, and I will use my mind. I will find a way to make you a hero, a friend, even in my own story.

I will use my mind to write a compassionate end.