Pisces – I am disillusionment, and I am free

And the award for the most compassionate one goes to – Pisces!

That’s how it was decided at the annual award ceremony of the members of the Zodiac. The crowd started with the cheering and the applause, and Pisces slowly swam towards the stage to receive the award.

The cheers, the applause didn’t seem to affect her mood. She was, well, moody, as always.

She looked absent, empty, cold.

She let out a silent sigh, and started her speech…

You give me this award for the most compassionate one. The most caring one. Sometimes, I feel like what you want to say is – the best one.

But no, I am not the best, I am not different than any one of you. I am made of you. You are flowing through me, since I so often don’t have a shape of my own.

I care for you because I am desperately trying to care for myself. You could call me selfish, not compassionate.

I care for you because I am desperately trying to get to know myself. You could call me a narcissist, not caring.

And now you give me this award, but I give up. On trying to love myself or see who I really am.

But thank you. It helps.

Honestly, it does. 

I may look indifferent to your applause, to this honor. But thank you, I will use this wonderful gesture of yours as a reminder.

A reminder that my existence may have meaning, may have purpose.

A reminder that things might be even worse if I just disappeared, or never existed at all.

Because I see so much of what is missing. Kindness, consideration, honesty, commitment… I could go on forever. I probably will go on forever. Reminding you of the pieces that are missing. The pieces that we are missing so we could complete our dream of Unity. And then maybe we can dream of Oneness.

And since you are all here, all of you – my co-workers in the process of evolution of consciousness, my family – yes my family. I don’t mean that in a cheesy, sentimental way. We don’t get along, we don’t understand each other, I know. But that’s how families are.

Since you’re all here, I will take the chance to say Goodbye.

I was never meant to stay here long, you all know that. You know that this world isn’t made to fit me.

I will walk away now, to another place, not very different from this one.

I will walk away to go to those in need of hope. I will walk towards another disappointment.

And maybe after that I will become free.

Free of my illusions of what this place was supposed to be.

Or maybe not.

Who knows, maybe I am the one in charge of carrying the torch of disappointment through eternity, on every step of evolution.

Maybe I am disillusionment itself…

I am Pisces.

I am disillusionment.

And I am free.